- can sentient beings examine themselves? - charlie can not make sense his own emotions - epistemological trap - he _knows_ he's losing the ability to know. paradox: he needs his declining intelligence to understand his declining intelligence. - ‘the sickness unto death’ [[kierkegaard]] - despair at being unable to escape yourself - rose gordon (charlies mother) - she created something ‘imperfects’ → makes her imperfect. she cant stand that - therefore charlie cannot be hers/must dissapear - primary narcissism (psychoanalytic): - infant belive they are perfect, world is extension of themselves - once they mature, they accept limitations - Rose gorden has never made that transition: she is stuck at primary narcissism - prophecy of her abuse - threatens to "put him away" → he eventually asks to be institutionalized - beats him for sexuality → he develops sexual dysfunction a -